Totally Lupine
by Paranoia Agent
Summary: Years after Serious's death, Remus struggles with his everyday life... a path of misery and despair. Will he ever find love or hope?


_Author's note:_ I would like to thank you for reading my fanfiction. It means alot to me .

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**Totally Lupine**

**Chapter 1 - _Cycle of the Moon_**

It was a cold and dreary morning. The sun had just come up, yet the harsh sky was only a dull grey. The night before was a hard and long one. The full and beatiful moon seemed to last for eternity...

But now, alas, it was morning. A rough breaze blew suddenly and Remus Lupin awoke from his dreadful sleep... naked, cold, and guilty from the night of uninmaginable crimes before, he laid there. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the dull sky. Somehow it seemed to comfort him. Remus was used to this. He had been a werewolf almost all his life. He was bitten as a young child and life had always been a desperate struggle for him. But despite his condition he did manage to make true friends at his old school Hogwarts. There he befriended three young wizards - James Potter, Serious Black, and who later became to be the snivilling little traitor, Peter Pettigrew. He liked to think back on those times, the times when he had people to care for him. Now all his loved ones were gone and he was once again alone. Dear James and Serious, his loyal friends, had died years before and the traitor who betrayed all of them was away serving Lord Voldemort.

Remus often tried not to think about them because it made him so very sad, but he also liked to. Sometimes is was comforting, depsite the fact thinking of them often felt like opening up old flesh wounds...

Remus gazed some more at the sky then realized that he needed to get moving. He always felt that he had to keep on going, but he never knew the point. He hoped that somewhere he could find just a small measurement of peace, but he never had. It was just a long path of misery and lonliness. People like him could barely get by. They rarely ever got jobs and most were complete social outcasts. They often turned angry at society and avoided it, but Remus was different. He still loved and wanted to be loved in return.

He got up slowly and stretched. The icey wind was blowing through the trees and he felt utterly alone. He looked around trying to find out just exactly where he was. He was in a small area surrounded by a few big oak trees. He looked out toward the horizon and saw a fence running along the pasture, just beyond that was some sheep and the Shrieking Shack. He was just outside the town of Hogsmeade. Feeling awkward in his nakedness he ran along the pasture trying to keep out of sight of anyone who may be out tending the sheep. Luckily there was no one. On and on he ran. Toward the Shrieking Shack - his home.

This house was built when Remus arrived at the Hogwarts school. A tunnel was built leading to the house, and the Whomping Willow was planted over the entrance. Remus was brought here when he became a werewolf so that he wouldn't be a danger to others. Villagers, hearing noises, believed the building to be haunted—a rumor encouraged by Albus Dumbledore. Even though the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it. Needless to say, the place isn't really haunted it is just the home of Remus.

Although he lived here, it didn't seem a home to him. It was simply a place to avoid the wind and people. Remus creeked up the stairs all the way up to his bed room. He felt horrible and as soon as he saw his bed (which was old, ripped up, and very dirty) he almost collapsed then and there. He was horribly tired and in pain. He was now wheezing and coughing badly too. With some effort he made it to his bed. He crawled in between his sheets (if you were to call them that. They were more like just scraps of material) and in a few seconds everything went black...

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Remus woke up with a sudden jolt! He sat up in bed drenched with sweat and shaking. His heart was pumping and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. He had had yet another nightmare. He often dreamed of himself in his werewolf form killing and eating many people. This dream was just that. He was so digusted in himself, so much so that he couldn't even stand being himself.  
After a while he finally calmed down. He sat looking at himself with shame. He was sitting there in an old dirty bed, naked, in very poor health... he couldn't stand it any longer. 

He jumped up in a sudden fit of anger! His whole body and mind was in a huge emotional outrage, his fists were clenched, he was about to burst out with a loud yell, when he remembered himself and stopped. He slowly and awkwardly sat back down on his bed. Now was the time when he wanted someone most. Someone he could hold, someone who would care for and love him. He was an emotional wreck. He felt like crying, but what was the point? No one cared that he had no nice place to live, hardly any food, was sick and in pain. No one. Not a single soul. He laid his face in his pillow and although trying hard not to, he wept.

A couple of hours later he woke up. The sky was still greyish, but it was rather humid. He felt a little better now and decided that he wanted to go for stroll in town, in hopes that he might find some sort of job, although it was very unlikely, but sometimes he got lucky and found some measly and tiring job though. He got up and out of bed and streched. He stunk really bad. It must've been months since his last bath. He walk over to a pile of clothes in the corner of the room and picked out his everyday suit - collared shirt, tie, jacket, pants, and shoes. Wearily, he started to dress his naked body. His clothes smelt just as bad as he did.  
Once he was done he started out the door, down the stairs, out of the shack and toward the small town of Hogsmeade. He felt very good for some reason. He felt like something good would actully happen. With a new spring in his step he finally entered the town of Hogsmeade.

_Too be continued..._

**Next Chapter: _New Hope_**


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